Making It Work

"I vividly remember meeting Tim and Brittany Bland,” says Crestwood Campus Pastor Greg Allen.

It was a Sunday, and worship services had just ended after worship and prayer. Greg was talking with people in the Atrium when Brittany walked right up to him, a heaviness in her eyes. “Are you the guy in charge here?” she asked bluntly. “We need help.” Time for formality was already long spent.

Greg watched as Tim came up behind her with their daughter Mia. Clearly the couple wasn’t just looking for a little parenting advice. Their family was on the verge of collapse; they weren’t going to make it on their own.

Though Brittany and Tim weren’t married, they had been living together for more than nine years. “They loved one another,” Greg notes, “but they didn’t have—and didn’t even know—God’s perspective on marriage. They lacked the reservoir of mercy and forgiveness to draw from whenever they disagreed or got on each other’s nerves.”

The truth is, Tim and Brittany had deeply wounded one another, and their relationship bore the scars. Wherever they went, they carried a decade of bitterness and anger, and these feelings became so commonplace that they melded into the fabric of their family. After years of carrying that emotional weight, it was crushing them. They had never met this pastor before, but one thing was certain: if he couldn’t help them, they were done.

A Breakthrough of Grace

“When we began to meet with Greg,” Brittany says, “the hardest thing was not knowing if the two of us would be together at the end. We went in asking how to fix our relationship, but it took a long time to deal with our issues, tell the truth, and work toward our future together.” They decided they would live apart while working through their issues.

Once Tim and Brittany opened up and started telling their story, Greg realized they didn’t fully grasp what so many of us take for granted—the power of the Gospel. Sure, Tim knew a little about God’s love from his years in children’s Sunday School, but he hadn’t been in church to build on that foundation in a long, long time. And Brittany knew Jesus by name, but the power of His atonement and the grace of God’s forgiveness were alien concepts to her.

In that moment, Greg did what all pastors are called to do. He gave them the greatest news in the world.

“As they listened to the story of Jesus taking their sin upon Himself and crucifying it on that horrible, wonderful cross, they wept,” Greg says. “And they couldn’t get enough.” This Jesus compelled them. Yearning to learn more, Tim and Brittany started attending Southeast regularly and they continued to meet with Greg.

“In order to truly forgive one another,” Greg explained, “you have to realize just how much God has forgiven you.” When they came to the foot of the cross, years of bitterness finally melted away. The chains of resentment fell at their feet. They tasted true freedom for the first time in their lives, and within a few months both Brittany and Tim accepted Christ and were baptized in His name.

Coming Full Circle

Of course, giving their lives to Christ didn’t fix all of Tim and Brittany’s problems in an instant. Greg continued to pour into them and talk about marriage. One day as she listened to him, Brittany looked uncertain.

“Why does God care if we’re married?” she asked simply.

Greg smiled. “He cares because it’s all part of His loving plan. He designed marriage to be beautiful so that even our love lives would point people to Him.”

Greg walked them through the early pages of Genesis as he unpacked God’s purpose for marriage. When they read about the creation of Eve in chapter 2, Brittany reached over and poked Tim in the side. “Is he missing one of his ribs, too?” she asked. Tim and Greg laughed.

“He was so down to earth with us,” Tim recalls. “He knew just what questions to ask and how to talk to us.”

After some long talks about the majesty of marriage, the Blands decided they wanted to honor God in every aspect of their lives. Their family was reunited when they married in 2014. Greg was happy to officiate.

“It was simple, beautiful, and full of joy,” he says. “Tim was a Division I football player, but that didn’t keep him from crying like a baby as he gave his vows to Brittany!” This couple that had once carried so much pain and anger toward one another now anoints one another with the breathtaking grace that only flows out from the Redeemer’s hands. They’ve been with Jesus, and their marriage and little family has never been the same. Now their daughter Mia has a baby brother, Christian.

“Wonder where that name came from!” Greg remarks with a smile.

The Gift of Humility

Looking back, Greg thanks God for giving the Blands their humility and willingness to grow. “Many couples are walking through deep hurt, and everyone faces challenges in their relationships,” he says, “but a lot of couples are very slow to ask for help and see how life can be so much better.”

It’s in the midst of surrender that God performs His greatest work. When He kindly brings us to the end of ourselves, Jesus shows us just how beautifully He can redeem. Before, Tim and Brittany didn’t know much about God’s mercy; all they knew was that they needed help. In their desperation, they met the Savior face to face, and He gave them grace to help them in their time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

“Our friends who knew us before see a difference in us now,” Tim says. “Now we want to encourage other couples. No matter what, no matter how hopeless things may look, God can bring healing and make something totally new. If He could make it work for us, He can do it for anyone. There’s always hope!”